My Journey Back to the Outdoors

At the age of 12, I was introduced to rock climbing by a school friend and his father, and by 16, I had completed an introduction to Alpine mountaineering. For the next 17 years, I climbed to a reasonably high standard on rock, snow, and ice, mainly in Europe, but also in North America and Greenland. During this time, I joined the Royal Marines, which also fulfilled a childhood ambition to be a good soldier.

In 2003, I started to suffer from what was initially diagnosed as depression but later identified as complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). I also stopped climbing.

By 2008, I had reached breaking point and deliberately drove my car into a tree with the intention of ending my life. In addition, I faced tremendous issues in my personal life, finding it impossible to rationally process losses and responsibilities.

In 2016, after several years of various mental health treatments that only helped manage symptoms but not the cause, I was introduced to EMDR therapy, which gave good, long-standing results. I regained control of my mind, but years of medication and self-induced abuse had left me tremendously overweight, lethargic, and convinced that where I was then was ultimately my lot in life. I was safe, but still unhappy and deeply ashamed inside.

Following contact from 65 Degrees North in 2019, I was given the opportunity to attend Rock Week. I arrived and met the team plus other beneficiaries, feeling very nervous and embarrassed about myself, with thoughts of just going home, but I didn’t.

Throughout that week, I was reintroduced to climbing and given the opportunity to progress on my own terms. I did not feel judged in any way and received tremendous support without having to ask for it. The experience was pivotal, filling in the last pieces of the jigsaw of who I once was, and who I could strive to be again. In short, I got my climbing mojo back.

Over the past six years, I have lost all the weight and returned to climbing at the same standard I did in my youth. In addition, I have been gaining qualifications in my spare time and am now a professional Mountain Leader, Expedition Leader, and Rock Climbing Instructor. Building on this, I am currently qualifying as an International Mountain Leader (summer & winter) and working towards the AMI-accredited Mountaineering and Rock-Climbing Instructor Award.

Why am I doing this? Well, it’s two-fold, I want to work in the outdoor industry, as that has always been my calling and I want, for my own self-belief, to reach a professional standard that I both revere and am proud of.

The other important reason is to help create opportunities for individuals who, similar to my own past, have struggled with just existing, let alone all the other stresses we face in everyday life.

65 Degrees North’s intervention gave me the tools to get back what I thought I had lost. I now have a strengthened state of mind and enjoy life, looking forward to what’s next. The doldrum years that consumed me for so long are now just a past experience.